It is possibly the night, (morning or afternoon) before Christmas as you read this and I am going to be a little self-indulgent with what I write. Thankfully, the season does give leeway for some indulgence, and oftentimes overindulgence. This is supposed to be a Christmas related article, which, if you are true to the season should be filled with joy, merriment and celebration. Bah-humbug is nowhere to be found in my dictionary and I actually look forward to the Yuletide chaos every year. This year though is drastically different because I lost my father at the start of it, and this will be the very first Noche Buena without him, and frankly, I have no idea how to prepare for it.
This brings to mind the families who have one way or the other lost, or been estranged from their loved ones, either by choice or by necessity. I have had friends and colleagues who have openly admitted that this year has brought about a letting go, or in some cases a ‘”tearing” away. Being apart from those you care about or who care about you creates a void. We are all connected one way or the other, and when we sever a tie, a gap needs to be filled. Oftentimes in our grief, anger or longing, we sometimes compensate or make up for it by indulging (the word again) in things, habits or emotions that take us even further away from long term happiness, peace and harmony. Quick fixes, (like shopping, drinking, gluttony, self-pity) deepen our denial. Christmas is all about reconnection, it celebrates the “birth” of Christ, which for me symbolizes the birthday of your spirit, a party if you call it of your true being which yearns to celebrate joy, love and light.
So how do we battle our so-called Grinch emotional states that may threaten to steal Christmas? A soul sister sent me a card shortly after my father’s death, and the words on it simply said “Remember everything”. Remembering, recalling, reflecting, acknowledging every memory you have about those you love, even if at times love seemed to be the farthest thing from their mind in relation to you, is possibly the greatest indulgence you can gift yourself today. It can also be the most difficult, especially when the remembering can bring thoughts of anger, or even regret. But what are we if not beings of love and light? With the ability to forgive, forget, and move forward? If you acknowledge that you need closure of sorts, than do not delay. I’m not saying you have to hold a séance (shudder) or if the person you’re missing is still alive, to go have a melodramatic (with sweeping music) tearful scene of forgiveness; you can do this in the quiet of your own room, armed with a paper, pen, or your word processor of choice.
Write out a letter, and call out all the things you ever loved about him or her, and all the hurts, and end it with a blessing for you both. Now is your chance to say what you truly feel, or how you felt, keep on writing even if tears start to burn your eyes and your heart starts to ache. Laugh out loud at a memory that removes all the aches and pains as you do so. Remember everything, everything. Whatever you write, end your letter with a prayer, if you’re not religious than a wish for that person’s well-being, whether they are here on Earth or not. It is always worthwhile to send them love energy, again a gift people shelve under boxes of glossily wrapped retail purchases when it is most needed. You can choose to send the letter (but only if it ends in bliss, not anger) or keep it somewhere special, to remind yourself that everyone and everything comes with the good and the bad, and are mirrors to our own emotional barometers and maturity.
To all of those who have love and lost, may the season bring you serenity, may it heal the hurts, and may it open up newer and bigger opportunities for you to love and be loved.
And have yourself a very Merry Christmas now.