My weekends are normally spent playing catch-up, with books gathering dust on my desk, unwatched TV shows, general exercise and sleeping until a sinful hour. This last weekend though I found myself bombarded with phone calls from friends and even colleagues moaning about the states of their love lives. Among the dust-gathering books on my desk was one in a series written by good friend and fellow Philippine STAR columnist, Jeannie Javelosa, entitled Revisiting Relationships. Taking the constant ring and ping of my phone as a sign, I decided to get some relationship advice of my own, before dishing it out to someone else.
What I got was a reminder on why some relationships last and go on, even if they shouldn’t in society’s eyes. One of the chapters tackled “affairs” which seems to be more and more rampant in the country due to our lack of a divorce law. How many friends do you know are really in love with each other but because a proper annulment takes such a ridiculously long time, their relationship is viewed as inappropriate, with the female half stereotyped as “the other woman” or “homewrecker” even if that home had already been “wrecked” by other forces years before? There is also the issue of women (and some men) who choose to endure couple-hood despite recurring instances of emotional and or physical abuse. Why is it that some seem to easily walk away while some cling on, seemingly for dear life?
The quickest answer is karma. Yes, that word which people use loosely but really does explain a whole lot of cause and effect. Whatever action you do (and this is not limited to physical action as thoughts and prayers also send out energy) creates energy that returns with twice the impact on the sender. Yes, not the “same” as we may have previously believed but, if we are to believe Javelosa’s research, we get a double return on our investment! To quote from the book: “Karma is a scientific occurrence in which quantum scientists have proven that space is concave and that any energy released from one point moves through the concave form of space and bounces back to its place of origin, often with twice the intensity.” There you have it, two for the price of one. So, think twice before you send that hate/love or sex-text out; know what you could possibly be getting in response.
So the answer to why do some people stay in a relationship even when common sense is screaming at them to go? The leveling out of karma from either a past life or the present.
Jealousy (not worth it), unconditional love (yes, worth it), and going back to an ex (you decide if he or she is worth it) are all tackled in Revisiting Relationships. Javelosa has counseled hundreds — maybe even thousands — of men and women who have gone to her for her destiny chart readings. One story that struck me was of a teenager who had the good fortune of finding his soul mate and then losing her first to a coma, and then eventually death. Throughout her comatose state he was advised to just send her loving thoughts “When love is there,” advised Javelosa, “not just romantic love but compassionate love that seeks the betterment of the other person with no selfish wants or needs, only healing and greater love can happen.” Although the two never connected again on the physical plane, the young boy wrote Javelosa to say that he had enjoyed one last moment with her, through a vivid, beautiful dream. He lives on with no bitterness or regret and is ready for love again.
If you have been contemplating your relationships of late, be they romantic ones or just alliances with friends or colleagues, it would be a good idea to pick up this book to get a better understanding of why you feel the way you do towards certain people. Relationships act as mirrors to the self; get to know what makes you tick and stop trying to emotionally dismember someone else when things aren’t working out the way you planned. On a lighter note, the book also offers some meditations, including a little exercise you can do (with or without a partner) to attain tantric bliss. Yes, you read that right: tantric bliss. All in all, the book keeps driving home the message that we are all each other’s teachers in this life, and that whether we are with someone for (and this cliché makes me roll my eyes) a reason, a season or a lifetime, that we have come together out of our own free will and a pre-life promise to do so.
Believe it or not, we actually choose whom to be with, and we also choose to keep them or leave them. Even after a death, or a breakup it’s what we do with the memory of that relationship that will allow us to move on or keep us locked in the past. Maybe it’s time for you to go forward but as I’ve also read, everything, short of death, can be revisited as well.
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Revisiting Relationships by Jeannie Javelosa is available at PowerBooks and National Bookstore